“Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” - Louise L. Hay
Growing up, I have been always insecure with my body. I see a lot of skinny girls with fair skin and some would flex their weight transformations in their social media accounts. Sometimes I wonder and ask, why can't I be like them? Why do I gain weight so easily? These questions keep on flashing on my mind, and it deeply triggers my insecurities.
When I was a kid, I was skinny but I gained weight in Senior High School. I didn’t think it would be possible not until I remembered how my aunt would always tell me before that I should eat more to gain weight. I was all skin and bones in my junior year. Then came my senior year, I had gotten fat from 54 kg to 62 kg real quick. It was like I was a flat tire and the air is pumping inside me.
I am aware that I'm not the only one who feels this way, but this is who I am right now. Certain thoughts always get to me whenever I'm alone and this leaves me to overthink. I am always bombarded with hundreds of questions in my head. Always asking, why do I think this way? Is there a problem with how I think? Indeed, the mind really matters.
In my perspective, the secret in loving our bodies has nothing to do with diets, exercises, gym workouts, etc. It has something to do with the way we think. Most of us judge ourselves harshly like criticizing our bodies as the most awful thing that we've seen in our lives. We feel like we'll never gonna find someone who'll truly love us because our bodies are not worth-changing. But the truth is, we just need to fully accept our flaws.
Judging always gets us in a bad place. It will lead us nowhere like my self-induced vomiting. I still do it now but not often. I didn't even realize that I have an eating disorder not until my friend pointed it out. That lead me to realize that what I’ve been doing is toxic.
According to Women's Health, women with a positive body image are more likely to have good mental health. Women being conscious of their body is normal. What's not normal is when they beat themselves up for it. Honestly speaking, it's really hard to be not conscious of my own figure but I'm trying. I’m now starting to accept my own body and all it takes is to simply love my own the way it is.
To all the girls out there, being fat doesn’t define you, either me. I am loving my hip dips, cellulite, and fats, and I know you can do it too. I will love all of me because that’s what God gave me. I may have doubted myself but that made me realized one thing, I'll forever admire my body through and through.
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